Monthly Archives: July 2014

Lizard Tail

Reuben: Why does that man look like that?

Me: You mean covered with scale tattoos and with a forked tongue?  Ummm….I think he’s trying to look like a lizard.

Reuben: Then why is he wearing pants?

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It’s All French to Me


I arrived to pick up Reuben at daycare yesterday and was greeted warmly by his teacher, who seemed especially impressed with his contributions to class that day.

“Reuben told us about his language skills,” she said smiling, “Do you speak another language in the home?”

“Us?” I said, suddenly confused. “Um, no…”

Her brow furrowed. “Reuben told us he speaks French.”

“He what??” I said, incredulously. “No, he does not!”

She looked at me slightly aghast. “Oh, my goodness, we believed him!” she said, starting to laugh. “He seemed so confident about it! He told us the days of the week and the months of the year in French. We pointed to pictures of objects around the classroom, and he told us what they were in French. He had an answer for everything! We were going to incorporate his French into Circle Time every morning.” (Here I had a brief…

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Reuben: What’s your favorite Beatle?

Me: Oh, definitely George.  For a long time it was Paul, and then I switched to John, you know during my rebellious teen years, but finally realized how great George was the whole time.

Reuben: What are you talking about? I wanted to know your favorite Beetle.

Me: Oh, like the cars? You mean like the classic, new or newer models? I really like the old ones, but the really new ones look very cool too.

Reuben: No, no, no. Your favorite beetle!

Me: Like, a bug?

Reuben: Yes.

Me: Um, I don’t think I have one.

Reuben: Mine is the green kind.

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Yes, Yes, YES!

I read an interview with Mila Kunis in a magazine the other day and she described how her New Year’s Eve vow to say ‘yes’ to anything and everything that came her way for a year changed her life – she’s now pregnant and engaged to Ashton Kutcher.

Well, that’s a great philosophy if you’re being asked questions like ‘Will you star in my latest feature film?’ or ‘Will you sign this lucrative advertising deal?’ If I said ‘yes’ to everything that came my way, I’d be President of the PTA, in the process of donating all my money to the local Firemen’s Association and quite possibly Mormon.

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