Tag Archives: Reuben

Math for Bullies

Max (age 9): Reuben, I can teach you how to handle bullies.

Reuben: OK…

Max: If someone is bothering you, just say to them, ‘Do you consider yourself a worthy opponent?’

Me: THAT’S what you are suggesting a kindergarten kid should say??

Max: Trust me, it works. Then ask them what 12 divided by 4 is.

Me: Math for bullies? He’ll get beat up for sure… Wait a minute… what is your angle here?

Max: Hee hee.

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Homophones

Reuben: What’s your favorite Beatle?

Me: Oh, definitely George.  For a long time it was Paul, and then I switched to John, you know during my rebellious teen years, but finally realized how great George was the whole time.

Reuben: What are you talking about? I wanted to know your favorite Beetle.

Me: Oh, like the cars? You mean like the classic, new or newer models? I really like the old ones, but the really new ones look very cool too.

Reuben: No, no, no. Your favorite beetle!

Me: Like, a bug?

Reuben: Yes.

Me: Um, I don’t think I have one.

Reuben: Mine is the green kind.

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Sounds Fair

Me: Why did you punch your brother?

Max: Because he was annoying me!

Me: You can’t hit someone just because they are annoying.

Max: He’s been annoying me his whole entire life! I just hit him once, but he’s been annoying me for the past two years! That is totally fair!

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How Babies are Made

Attempting to explain ‘how babies are made’ (*lite)

Me: Reuben, do you know where you were before you were born?

Reuben: In your belly.

Me: That’s right! Do you know how you got there?

Reuben: You ate me.

Me: That sounds logical, but no! Mommy and Daddy made you together!

Reuben: Out of paint?

Me: Um, no. Maybe we should continue this another time.

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Thanks.

Reuben: Mommy, well, maybe you might cry about this, but the eyeshadow on your eyelids makes you look dead.

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Say no more.

Reuben: Don’t hug me because I just farted. Continue reading

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Yeah, right.

Photo: Yeah right.

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November 25, 2013 · 5:47 pm